This past week was my wedding anniversary. My wife and I have been together for 39 years. If there is anyone that deserves the medal, it’s my wife. I often wonder why she has stuck with me all this time. I would not have blamed her at all if she left me years ago, but we have stayed together through the good times and bad. Why? How? While 40-50% of all marriages in North America end in separation or divorce, many people ask me, what is my secret? I am by no means a marriage expert, and there is no secret, but I can share with you how I have done it.
First, marriage is the most important decision of your life. Don’t take it lightly. Just because the sex is amazing, does not mean you will live happily ever after. A successful marriage is much more. Loving someone is not going to bed with them at night; it is waking up with them in the morning. It isn’t always filet mignon; it’s hot dogs and pork and beans and living with the aftereffects. It’s giving them your last $20 bill when you don’t get paid for two more days. It’s willing to die for your partner.
My wife and I are a classic case of opposites attract. We have very little in common but while we may have different interests, we have similar values. We place a high priority on the family, and we have raised two kids that are our pride and joy. Our interests may vary but be respectful and supportive of those differences. Don’t view the different interests as hurdles to the relationship, but complementary to it. It is a classic case of one plus one equalling three.
Don’t get me wrong, our marriage has had some difficulties and we both have thought about ending it, but at the end of the day we both come to the realization that there are more reasons to stay than leave. Far too many people give up at the first sign of adversity. Marriage takes work and sacrifice that many people simply do not want to do.
The length of a marriage does not mean it is a successful one. There have been marriages lasting a lifetime, but without love. It started out staying together because of the kids, and then out of duty and then because of what other people might say. Those relationships are not marriages in my view. If there isn’t love and respect, then it is two people co-habitating together under the marriage umbrella.
Your spouse is not perfect, and neither are you. Accept your partner for his/her shortcomings. Do one little thing for them each day. Laugh with each other. Listen to what they are saying. My wife is my partner, my lover, and my best friend. The best part of my day is when we go to bed, and she wishes me a good night with a gentle touch. It doesn’t matter how messed up the rest of the world is around us, at that moment, I am at total peace. Happy Anniversary Deb. I hope you can find peace and happiness in your marriage too.
Cheers,
Al